i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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