I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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