I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
