and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
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I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
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She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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