Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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