I wish I could teleport
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize