Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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