idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
