by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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