Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
