I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
