I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
