apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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