Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize