Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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