somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
