Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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