I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
