guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I can't turn off my feet"
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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