i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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