She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
