it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
