the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
