I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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