shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
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on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
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Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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