i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
i now understand why vodka
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
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