She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Randomize
