He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize