I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
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Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
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C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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