I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
