Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
