yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
