You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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