before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
