Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
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