How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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