if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
