i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
