I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
