I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
