ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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