I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
The beer is more important than you right now.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
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He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
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I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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