holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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