I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
