I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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