All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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