All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
