you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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