two words: eviction party
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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