Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
where am i from again
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
