There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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