I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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