This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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