My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
