I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
