I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
