That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
