You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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