Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
