did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
