Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
