he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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