i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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