There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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