I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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