Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
