Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
