from now on my penis is your penis
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Randomize
