He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
