meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Maybe he injected his testicle?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
