I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
